The “silent divorce” or “quiet divorce” are relatively new phrases to describe a not-so-new phenomenon: A legally married couple still living together, but who has lost the emotional bond they once shared. Unlike the frequent arguing, anger, and extreme emotions which precipitate many divorces, some couples just slowly drift apart while the bond between them silently erodes. This silent divorce may manifest in different ways, depending on the couple, but some of the more common signs are a lack of communication, living separate lives, loss of physical intimacy, sleeping in separate bedrooms, no longer making future plans as a couple, limited interaction with each other, and an overall indifference to each other.
The silent divorce can last for many years or even until death do they part; the reasons for choosing to remain can differ with each couple, but are usually justified by “the devil you know” type thinking. Change can be scary, and some find comfort in simply continuing to do what they have been doing even if the situation is less than ideal. There are other considerations as well which motivate people to remain in this marital limbo such as children, finances, insurance benefits, religious beliefs, and social reasons.
Of course, silent divorces often eventually lead to an actual divorce. How a prolonged silent divorce can affect the actual one depends on the particular assets and liabilities of each couple. You may benefit if your spouse-cum-roommate happens to win the lottery during the silent phase, but what if you’re the lotto winner? One of you may have investment/retirement accounts which significantly appreciate during the silent years and will be subject to equitable distribution when your marriage is actually dissolved. Even nonmarital assets can be impacted by a long silent divorce, such as a home which one of you owned before the marriage. If that asset appreciates in value due to mortgage payments, active appreciation (like a kitchen remodel), or even just due to passive market forces, that increase in value during the course of your marriage (including the silent divorce portion) is also subject to equitable distribution. Also, since the silent divorce is often characterized by living separate lives and a lack of communication, as your spouse is out there living his/her best life apart from you, it’s important to keep in mind that s/he may be depleting marital assets or creating marital debt which is also subject to equitable distribution. New car loans and credit card debt used to finance separate vacations during the silent divorce will typically be subject to equitable distribution. A long silent divorce can also affect alimony and child support.
If you are in the midst of a silent divorce and want advice on the pros and cons of remaining versus dissolving your marriage, call the Rice Law Firm for a consultation with one of our experienced Family Law attorneys.
